Let it go, let it flow
Things are more fluid than they seem. Here's how to tap into that free-flowing energy.
Nothing in the world is as soft and yielding as water.
Yet for dissolving the hard and inflexible, nothing can surpass it.
The soft overcomes the hard; the gentle overcomes the rigid.
— Tao Te Ching (trans. Stephen Mitchell)
I used to think of my meditation practice the same way I thought of self-help: as a path from individual suffering to individual happiness.
But the more I practiced, the more I realized that my assumption was incorrect. Pursuing individual well-being is inseparable from pursuing collective well-being.
In the process, I started to abandon the terms “suffering” and “happiness” (dukkha and sukha in the Pali1 language). Instead, I sought out terms that better described the fluidity and interconnectedness I was starting to encounter.
The words I’ve landed on are friction and flow.
Why friction and flow?
Whereas suffering & happiness are:
Personal (they happen to me)
Disembodied (I perceive them as happening only in my mind)
Durational (I am suffering/happy for a period of time)
Friction & flow are:
Relational (they occur between entities)
Embodied (I perceive them as happening in my body)
Ephemeral (they change moment by moment)
The terms dukkha and sukha are central to the Four Noble Truths, Buddhism’s most concise explanation of the path from dukkha to the end of dukkha. Traditionally, this path takes a lifetime (or more!) to culminate in the total extinction of dukkha. This is a noble goal, but can distract people from noticing how their practice fosters well-being in real time.
That’s why I offer the following formulation of the Four Noble Truths. Rather than a long-term linear process, this version is a cyclical, moment-by-moment practice that creates a positive feedback loop of flow states.
We can sum up the practice with the phrase friction, resistance, let go, let flow.
The method
No matter where you are or what you are doing, you can use these four steps:
1. Where do I feel friction in my direct, present experience?
In other words, what feels out of alignment right now?
Friction can occur at different levels of abstraction, including (but not limited to):
Physical (my body right now)
Relational (my interaction with people & things around me)
Narrative (the story I’m telling myself)
2. In what way am I resisting what is happening?
Resistance might manifest as:
Physically: tension, tingling, discomfort, poor posture, etc.
Relationally: aversion towards a person, clinging to an environment, disinterest in a task, etc.
Narratively: doubt (“I’ll never be able to do this”), worry (“What if this happens in the future?”), etc.
Resistance is the discrepancy between what is and what is wanted.
To paraphrase the Serenity Prayer2: if you can change the situation (and have the courage to do so), do it. Otherwise, you’re better off letting go of resistance.
3. To what extent can I let go of resistance?
Why is letting go so hard? I think it’s because people see letting go as a kind of death. The ego reinforces itself every time it comes into conflict with the world. When that conflict disappears, the ego fears it may disappear too.
And it’s correct. Letting go does diminish the ego, which is why it’s not a tactic for the insecure. But I can guarantee this: it does more good for me—and the world—to be a helpful participant than to be an aggrieved individual.
Letting go could look like:
Physically: relaxing bodily tension, taking a deep exhale, assuming a more open posture, etc.
Relationally: sending love to a difficult conversational partner, identifying points of agreement, etc.
Narratively: dropping limiting beliefs (“That was in the past, but I’m starting fresh…”), etc.
You don’t need to let go all at once. This process is incremental. To the degree that you let go of any resistance, you will experience that degree of flow.
4. Savor the flow that results
When I talk about flow, I’m not referring to something abstract or mystical. Flow is happening here, in your body, right now.
Personally, I experience flow as a feeling of smoothness, like gentle breezes passing through my body and into the environment. If you’ve meditated for a while, you may recognize what I’m talking about.
If that sounds unfamiliar, think of times you’ve experienced a flow state, such as going for a run, playing or listening to a beautiful piece of music, feeling the good vibes in a loving community, etc. Try to heighten your sensitivity to what happens in your body in these cases, then tune in to subtler manifestations of that flow in everyday life.
Some final thoughts
With time, this process becomes more automatic.
For example, I periodically run through the checklist: friction, resistance, let go, let flow. I seldom capture all the resistance in one pass, instead incrementally breaking down pockets of resistance into flow.
It’s also possible to skip directly to the end: savor the flow that is currently present. Flow can occur in any condition: washing the dishes, being stuck in traffic, or even having an argument.
Remember: flow is not somewhere else or in something else. Flow is here and now.
Pali is the language that early Buddhist texts were originally recorded in.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.